Article by Anna Kouroumpli, psychologist
The siblings are a subsystem in the family, which is created before children’s verbal communication begins. This system has its own limits and culture and especially its own intimacy. Often what they know (one about the other) and sharing the siblings do not know the rest of the family. The common experiences and memories, the common code of communication are an important support in the difficult moments of their lives. The brother (or sister), apart from an intruder, is similar, except for a competitor, he is also a friend, a companion in the game. At the same time, the siblings are also strongly affected by feelings of jealousy, revenge. They feel that they are wrong, that one gets a lot and the other one is less, one thing is allowed, while the other does not or that the love of the parents is not equal. Jealousy is a normal feeling.
Most signs of jealousy reveal the need for the child to feel the attention of his people in one way or another. Each child would like to monopolize the love of their parents without sharing and concessions. Evolution of jealousy depends mainly on how parents respond to these childish jealousy manifestations.
The less you mix in the relationship of the two brothers, the easier it will be to create between them the deep solidarity that can withstand time. Only intervene in intense controversy, demand the end of the conflict, refuse to listen to any point of view, indifferent to who is right or unfair, concentrate on what to do next.
Cultivate each child that he has his / her own individuality and his / her own characteristics, assets, abilities, but also drawbacks. You do not need to apply absolute impartiality and try to meet the needs of each child separately.
The siblings through this relationship are given the opportunity to learn to confront and also coexist with someone who can not tolerate much, someone who did not choose. Brotherhood relationships provide an important framework for learning social skills for children. Through their daily interaction, they are given the opportunity to communicate, collaborate and share.