My child fell in love

Article by Mr. Dimitris Filokostas (Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist – Family Therapist)

It may sound strange, but studies have shown that very young, even three or four-year-old children may have strong feelings of love – what we call passionate love. It seems that the feeling of fear and insecurity may exacerbate the need for a child, like an adult, to fall passionately in love.

Erotic interest, love, has no age differentials. It’s the need to be with each other. When you are together and feel that you have the love and interest of the other then you may feel joy until the ecstasy. And when you separate him, you feel empty and desperate. They say that the way in which one expresses his erotic feelings – with more or less insecurity – reflects on the relationship he had as an infant with his mother. As Erich From wrote, there are two kinds of love: To love someone because you need them. And you need someone because you love him.

Is there pure child love?

Now, mostly through television and the Internet, the world of children has ceased to have limits to the world of the big ones. Which means that children have access to the way they see the world and behave adults. This can only have a reflection and the way she understands relationships with the other sex and a child. But pure child love is common in all ages. As there are platonic love in teens and later. They coexist rather, besides superhuman behavior.

And what should I do?

Parents respond in a thousand different ways and on all scales. They may either show total acceptance, or altogether forbid an erotic relationship, or even a love affection. It has to do with their own ideas, with their personal stories rather, about what love means, adulthood, trust. I do not know if there are general advice in these cases. They say you can not ask the wind to stop blowing, you can not ask the rain to stop falling.

And how should I deal with the first erotic disappointment?

I think erotic feeling is a good reason for more conversation inside the home. The teenager is curious and tries to understand and can find the courage to ask, usually mom. It is a good reason for the family to start talking about things related to adulthood: sexuality and precautions for sex, the parents’ dreams about the future, the quests and the anxieties that a child grows up, the stories that mom and dad want to share in their relationships, younger, with the other sex … Can parents through these conversations make their child to overcome them with a storm of emotions? Let us be humble, anyway, love asks for what love can not give.

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